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Children

Jun 04
Love0

“Keep Pedaling through the Summer: Don’t Lose the Momentum Gained”

By Children, Executive Functioning

Do you remember the fun of riding bikes when you were a kid? Maybe you still ride as an adult? Bikers realize that one of the funnest experiences on two wheels is flying down a steep hill, picking up speed with little effort, while the wind blows in your face. Just enjoy the ride. However, this typically meant you had to pedal hard up the other side of the hill in order to reach the summit. As one approaches a steep hill it’s crucial to pedal quickly, get your speed up, and create momentum that will take you to the top. If you don’t pedal fast enough before the rise in the slope, the momentum stops and it becomes much more difficult to pedal, or you may even have to hop off the bike and walk it to the top of the hill. That’s just physics.

For well over a century, the K-12 school calendar in the United States has included a lengthy summer vacation. The reasons were complex and varied from state to state (following the agrarian calendar is a myth). But by the turn of the 20th century, a long summer break was the tradition and nobody wanted to interfere with everyone’s favorite time of the year. Unfortunately, this calendar format has its drawbacks, as it does not provide for optimal learning or healthy habit building. Teachers will admit that because of the 2+ month break each summer, that they will need to spend at least a full month, and possibly more, reviewing the material that their brains have forgotten over the summer hiatus. That’s just neuroscience.

In much the same way that bikers need to keep momentum to wheel up a steep hill, teenagers with executive function deficits must continue the positive momentum they achieved the past school year through the summer months.

Here are some tips for parents to implement with their teens over the summer:

    Get consistent sleep. Go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time. Yes, you have heard us preach this before. If there were 10 Commandments of executive function skill-building, this would be the 1st commandment.

    Keep a daily calendar. Work with your teen as they update their calendar each weekend, establish a color-code system, and have them share the calendar with you. This provides an easy opportunity to review what is going on with them daily and check in with them regarding progress. Even though it’s summer, be creative about how to fill up their time, since they do not have assignments and school projects to complete, unless they have summer school.

    Assign daily opportunities/chores. Integrate these home tasks into their weekly calendar by setting times for them to be accomplished. And be sure to reward them for successful completion. We recommend just set the expectation, and don’t get caught up into a philosophical lecture about the value of hard work or how much easier they have it than you did or their grandparents did.

    Read. Many schools provide summer reading lists, or you could simply Google search “summer reading list for teenagers” to discover dozens of good lists to choose from. Teens should read at least 3 books over the summer. During and after completing each book, ask them questions about the storyline, characters, and generally how they liked it. Often in high school, the English department will have required reading to complete before school starts again too. If that is the case with your student, that helps round out the list.

    Plan and prepare a family meal once in a while. Meal preparation utilizes numerous executive function skills and can be more fun than many other duties around the house. Depending on their age, have your teenager figure out the ingredients and items needed, shop if necessary, follow a recipe, cook, and serve the family at a set time. Maybe let them choose a movie for the family to watch together as well, and they will have planned a fun evening that required organization, task initiation, planning ahead, time management, and chunking down the dinner project into manageable steps.

There are many other possible options for parents who want their kids to keep up momentum during the summer. And you know your children better than anyone. Use some or all of these ideas, or come up with your own. Our encouragement to you is don’t allow your teenager’s brain to atrophy over the summer because of a lack of structured days, too little responsibility, and too much entertainment. Summer is certainly a time to relax, but maintain a healthy balance.

We realize many parents are busy with work and other life responsibilities. If you want your teen to keep momentum over the summer, but your schedule can’t fit daily and weekly check-ins, our executive function coaches can keep them moving forward in their skill development over the vacation months. Don’t stop pedaling over the summer, but keep it going! And please let us know what we can do to be part of that process with your family.

Have a great summer!

Apr 23
Love0

The End of the School Year Coming Soon: the Rocky Mountains are Behind Us!

By Adolescents/Teens, Children, Executive Functioning, Parenting

When school starts each fall, teens with executive skill deficits often look at the academic calendar and become overwhelmed with the endless number of months ahead, the work expected to be completed, the projects, the tests, the essays, the novels, the science labs, the SATs, and on and on. They are now in a new grade level and embarked on a journey with bigger obstacles than the year before. It seems insurmountable.

This can be likened to the enormous difficulty Lewis and Clark faced when the Rocky Mountains came into view in 1805. They had traveled from the eastern United States, only known the Appalachian Mountains, which are much smaller, and had never seen mountains as massive as the Rockies. The President had commissioned Lewis and Clark to lead an expedition to reach the Pacific Ocean. But once the Rockies were in view, they realized that there was no way to avoid them. They must find a path over the mountain range, which meant there were problems to solve, careful planning, and strategies to put into place, in order to achieve their mission.

    How does this apply to your teenager? Now that we’re in the spring, and the end of the school year is in sight, here are a couple of ways to coach your middle school or high school student:

    Pull out the 2021-22 school calendar. Review how many months have passed since the beginning of the year, and visually show them how little time is left.

    Review the many projects, assignments, tests, and other tasks that they have completed. Then go through the list of items remaining. That list is much smaller and the mountain should look more like the Appalachians, rather than the Rockies. Parents, help them chunk down their tasks into manageable daily and weekly steps.

    Encourage. There are not 175 school days left, but only about 30. Don’t dwell on any failures of the previous 145 days, but focus upon finishing strong. Often, teens do not start tasks, or a list of tasks because its appears so daunting. But school is almost done! Get started now, it’s never too late!

    Set short-term and goal-oriented rewards. What can they accomplish in the final weeks? Focus on improvement over this short stretch. Even if the final result for this school year does not reach the bar you would like, this may well establish habits and practices which could launch them into a solid start of school in the fall.

Once Lewis and Clark made it down the western slopes of the Rockies, they reached flat land, with better weather, and the path to the Pacific Ocean was much easier. They knew the long journey was almost over and were proud of the accomplishment. Lewis himself wrote in his journal regarding, “the pleasure I now felt having triumphed over the Rocky Mountains and descending once more to a level and fertile country”. He knew they would now successfully reach the waves of the Pacific. That’s exactly where our teens are as they draw close to the end of the school year. It’s not a 9-10 month journey rife with impossible tasks. It’s April and they are coming down the back slope of the school year. Most of this hard trek is behind them and only a little bit remains. Be proud of what has been accomplished, forget what didn’t work, and focus on the next 6-8 weeks. The land is now flat, and even the weather is getting better, and the Pacific Ocean is in sight. The waves of the Pacific, also known as the last day of school!

Feb 08
Love0

How to Help Your Child Athlete Through a Loss

By Adolescents/Teens, Children, School & Academics, Sports / Exercise

Kids love playing sports. And parents love that their kids can get all of that excess energy out while learning the benefits of hard work and comradery.

But with the thrill of competition comes the hard reality: that sometimes you lose. Some children are barely affected by a loss. They are truly happy just running around on the field or court with their friends. Other children, however, can be almost devastated by a loss.

There are a few things you can do if your child seems to struggle after losing a game:

Listen

Don’t assume you know exactly what is bothering your child. Before you provide any advice, listen to how and what they are feeling so you know how best to address the issue.

Ask Questions

Some kids, especially very young ones, may have a hard time processing their feelings. They know they feel bad, but they can’t express exactly what it is that is bothering them. Consider asking questions like:

• What part of the game was the most and least fun for you?
• Were you satisfied with your efforts?
• What did you think you did well, and what could you work on for the next game?
• What was something important you learned from today’s game?

Don’t Deny Reality

There is no point in telling your child that it doesn’t matter (when it does to them) or that they did great (if they didn’t). They know the truth and if you’re denying it, they’ll have a hard time believing anything you say in the future.

Instead of denying reality, be open with your child while gently guiding the conversation toward future strategies for positive outcomes.

Don’t Try to Protect Your Child

Many parents try to shield their child from feeling any negative emotions. While you may think you are protecting your child, the fact is, disappointment and loss is a part of life. Losing a game is actually a pretty good life lesson.

Disappointment and sadness feel bad, but you don’t want to teach your child to avoid bad feelings. These feelings play a key role in your child’s emotional, intellectual and social development. It is important for your child to learn to deal with setbacks now so they don’t derail them as adults.

Avoid your instinct to “protect” your child from disappoint. Instead, guide them through their emotions and help them learn to cope.

 

If your child has a particularly hard time dealing with loss and disappointment and you would like to have them talk to someone, please be in touch. I’d be happy to discuss treatment options.

Sep 01
Love0

How Learning Disabilities Affect a Child’s Mental Health

By Adolescents/Teens, Children, School & Academics No Comments

For many children and teens, learning disabilities are a frustrating part of life. Learning disabilities not only bring a sense of shame and isolation, but they can also lead to mental health issues in some children.

What Are Learning Disabilities?

According to the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES), a learning disability is any disorder of the fundamental psychological processes involved in understanding or using language. These can ultimately result in difficulties thinking, listening, reading, writing, math, and spelling.

Learning disabilities are quite common among young children and teens. According to the NCES, of the 7 million students who receive special education services in the country’s public school system, 33% have at least one learning disability. Common learning disabilities children deal with are ADHD, dyscalculia (trouble with counting and numbers), dyslexia, and others.

Learning Disabilities and Mental Health Issues in Children and Teens

While a learning disability isn’t a mental health issue in and of itself, both are closely related. When children and teens have a delay in learning, they can feel as if their academic efforts aren’t paying off. They can feel like a failure and, if their classmates aren’t sensitive, they can also feel like the butt of many jokes. This puts children and teens with learning disabilities at a higher risk of developing anxiety and depression.

It’s important that parents and teachers of students with learning disabilities look for any signs of anxiety or depression. These may include:

  • Sudden fear
  • Worrying
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Irritability
  • Anger issues
  • Feelings of sadness and/or hopelessness
  • Changes in social behaviors (not spending time with friends)
  • Changes in appetite
  • Thoughts of harming themselves

Once any signs are noticed, parents should bring their child to a qualified mental health therapist. This professional will help the child manage their symptoms so they can better function at home and at school. Some sessions may include the parents while in other sessions, the therapist may want to work one-on-one with the child.

Many child psychologists use cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT) to help children become aware of their own thoughts and feelings and then change their thoughts, emotions, and reactions to challenges at home and at school. CBT helps a child become independent and evaluate whether their thoughts and feelings or logical or distorted.

Does your child or teen have a learning disability? Do you believe this disability has caused them to develop depression or anxiety? If so, and you’d like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I would be happy to speak with you to see if I might be able to help.

 

SOURCES:

Jul 17
Love0

4 Exercises to Help Teach Young Children Mindfulness

By Children No Comments

Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of your body and feelings in the present moment. If you’re silent for a moment, you will notice the subtle smell of your freshly washed clothing, the sound of your breathing, and watch a small leaf blow past your window. Mindfulness is an incredibly calming, relaxing practice that can help adults in numerous ways, and it may surprise you that it can help children, too.

Studies have shown that children who learn mindfulness practices showed better grades, increased patience and improved coping skills. When taught in schools, mindfulness increases optimism in classrooms while decreasing bullying and aggression.

It can be remarkably simple to teach a child mindfulness. Here are four exercises to get started.

Muscle Awareness

Teach your child to become aware of their body with a muscle awareness exercise. Sit down on the floor and do some exercises where they focus on one muscle at a time. They can point their toe and hold, and as you do the same ask them what they feel and where exactly they feel the tightening of their muscle. Hold for a few seconds and release, then repeat with other muscles.

Breathing Buddy

Have your child lie on her back with a favorite stuffed animal on her belly. Have her watch the stuffed animal, which will naturally rise and fall as she breathes in and out. Teach your child to breathe in through their nose slowly, to hold their breath for a few seconds, then slowly release the breath as they watch their stuffed animal rise and fall to match their breaths.

A Mindful Walk

Take a mindful walk around the block or at a local park with your child. Take in the sights, sounds and smells. What does your body feel like as you’re walking? What muscles do you feel working the most? Notice sounds you may hear, especially subtle sounds like a leaf skittering across the grass, or the crunch of a leaf as you step in. This will help them relax, get in a little bit of exercise and learn to appreciate all their body does to keep them moving.

A Mindful Snack

Have a mindful meal or snack with your child. As you eat, do so mindfully. Focus on the food. What are the colors? How does it taste and smell? Have your child describe what happens when they chew and swallow. Have them notice what muscles are moving as they eat or bring the food to their mouth.

Children learn what they see at home, so by modeling mindfulness practices yourself, you will benefit them greatly.

Are you a parent looking for unique ways to cope with challenging parenting issues? A licensed therapist can provide the support and guidance you need. Give my office a call today and let’s schedule a time to talk.

Jul 07
Love0

Teaching Kids Mindfulness: The Benefits and Easiest Ways to Do It!

By Adolescents/Teens, Children No Comments

“Pay attention!”

It’s a phrase that is uttered dozens of times a week (if not more) in households where children between the ages of two and 18 reside. How is it that when they WANT to, oh say when they are playing video games or watching cartoons, kids can have a tremendous attention span. But at any other time, getting them to be present is harder than getting them to close the refrigerator door!

While getting kids to pay attention can seem frustrating, there is an answer to the madness: mindfulness.

Mindful Kids are Happier Kids

Several studies have shown that kids who participate in mindfulness programs are happier. And the sooner you get kids started with mindfulness, the easier it becomes for them to develop a capacity to become calm and centered when life throws them stressful situations.

What does this look like in real life?

Well, picture how a normal 7-year old responds to a situation that is scary, overwhelming, and generally unpleasant. Say they are getting ready to take a hard test or going to the dentist. Most will become so fearful and anxious that they have a hard time being calmed by a parent or other guardian.

The 7-year old who practices mindfulness meditation knows to stop, closed their eyes, and breathe deeply to get themselves calm and focused.

The two outcomes are vastly different. That’s because meditation and deep breathing exercises actually change the physiology of the brain, according to scientists. Instead of kids reacting emotionally to a charged situation (being controlled by their emotions), children can control their impulses and reactions to that situation.

OK, but how do you get kids to practice mindfulness when it’s difficult to get them to do pretty much anything, let alone meditate!  Here are some ways you can help your kids become more mindful:

1. Help them discover their inner experience.

Spend time helping kids understand what is happening to their bodies during stressful and calm situations. Ask them to explore their emotions. The more insight they have into their inner experience, the better able they will be to control their responses to external experiences.

2. Breathe with Them

Practice deep breathing with your child. You can do it while driving or before putting them to bed at night. Share with them how to relax, slowly breathe in deeply and exhale. Invite them to feel any tension melt away.

3. Be a Good Example

Your child will not even want to try and be mindful and in control when they see you out of control. Are you one to yell at other drivers? Do you get far too angry when your dog tracks mud in the house? Does a telemarketer at dinner send you through the roof? If so, it’s time to try deep breathing and meditation yourself. Be an example. If your child sees mommy or daddy handling stress in healthier ways, they will be far more likely to give it a go.

While it will take some effort to get your kid to commit to practicing mindfulness, the results that it will bring to their life are completely worth it.

 

SOURCES:

Mar 22
Love0

Finding the Sweet Spot: Is Your Child Over-Scheduled?

By Adolescents/Teens, Children No Comments

Families are busy these days. Between a parent’s busy home and work life, and kids in school with after school activities, it can be hard to figure out a balance. Certainly activities outside of school will enrich your child’s life, but at what point is it adding value, and when is it pushing your family over the edge?

 

Lack of Sleep

It’s important to make sure your child is getting enough sleep. After they’re done with school and their extracurricular activity, they should have enough time to do homework, eat dinner, and get at least eight hours of sleep. If you have trouble getting them out of bed in the morning, if they’re lethargic all day or sleeping in class, your child may be over-scheduled because they’re not getting enough sleep.

 

Lack of Down Time

Kids benefit from unstructured time. Unstructured time helps them relax and decompress. It’s important to note however that screen time is not unstructured time. Time spent using electronics doesn’t relax them or help them decompress from the day. It doesn’t add stress, but it doesn’t take it away, either.

 

Your Child Acts Out When They Get Home

One of the biggest signs that your child is over-scheduled is if they come home from school and have a meltdown. When kids are at school, there’s much that’s expected from them. They have to have self-control all day, and a lack of unstructured time over the week can make them feel like they can’t take it anymore.

 

Finding a Balance

It can be difficult to find that sweet spot between a healthy number of activities for your kids, without your family having to sacrifice in other areas. First, evaluate how much time you’re spending on an activity. Include time spent at the activity, the time preparing, time spent at practice and driving to and from. Research shows that eight hours a week works best for children. Five to seven activities over the course of a year is at the top end of the “sweet spot” before extra activities start to have a negative impact.

 

Make a conscious decision to have some down time over the course of a year. Maybe pick a season not to have any activities scheduled for your children, so you can all enjoy some structured family life. Things like doing chores, helping with dinner, etc. is a boon to both children and families. Everyone benefits from family engagement.

If you’re a parent and you’re struggling or just need some support, call my office today and let’s schedule a time to talk.

Feb 25
Love0

How to Help Your Child Manage Their Anxiety

By Anxiety, Children No Comments

For many, childhood is the most wondrous and exciting time in a person’s life. But even when a child is growing in a loving and stable family environment, they can feel fear and anxiety.

Think back on your childhood. Everything new was something to be not-so-sure of. It was easy to feel a bit anxious on the first day of school or meeting someone for the first time. A child often feels anxious at bedtime, having to go to the doctor or dentist, or on their first day of summer camp.

When children experience anxiety, they may run away, become very quiet, scream, shake, act silly, cling or have a tantrum to avoid the stressful situation. You may have tried to talk with your child and reason with them in these moments. But this generally doesn’t work.

Brain research suggests that it is extremely difficult for young children to think logically or control their behavior in these anxious moments. They are experiencing real fear and the fight/flight/freeze mode that accompanies it.

Here are 3 science-based ways parents can help their children manage their anxiety so they may regain a sense of safety.

1. Stimulate Their Vagus Nerve

The vagus nerve is located on both sides of the voice box. Studies have shown that stimulating it can interrupt the fight/flight/freeze mode and send a signal to your child’s brain that he or she is not under attack.

Some easy ways to help your child stimulate this nerve are:

  • Have them chew gum
  • Hum or sing
  • Gargle with regular warm water
  • Eat a piece of dark chocolate (this is also a parasympathetic regulator)

2. Help Them Slow Their Breathing

Like adults, when children are anxious they tend to take rapid shallow breaths from the chest. Taking slower, deeper breaths from the abdomen sends a signal to their brain that they are safe and can relax.

Older children may be able to follow you as you show them slow breathing exercises. For younger children, there are some playful ways to get them to slow down and control their breathing. You can have them blow bubbles, blow into a pinwheel, imagine your fingers are birthday candles and have them slowly blow them out, teach them to whistle and simply see if they can hold their breath for three seconds as if they were swimming.

3. Be Silly

Research also suggests that humor can significantly reduce anxiety. Humor has a way of distracting, relaxing muscles and releasing endorphins that combat stress and anxiety.

Try silly knock-knock jokes or word games like “I went on a picnic.” A quick internet search will result in a ton of corny jokes that your youngster will most likely love, so print some out and have them on hand.

Anxiety is a part of life, but if you use these three techniques, you can help your child manage theirs.  If you think your child could benefit from speaking to someone, please feel free to be in touch. I’d be more than happy to discuss treatment options.